She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
