Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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