Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My ass is underappreciated
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
