I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
