last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Farmville is her only friend.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
