I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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