do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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