I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
