it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
