Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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