Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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