I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
is it fun? or sober?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
