I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
