The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
