I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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