No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
