Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
