Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
