Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
smell my finger.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
