ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
