I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
