Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize