we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They have beer where we have blood.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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