My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
