____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
