so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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