My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
