I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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