All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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