Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
