low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
