i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
