i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
