I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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