Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
