My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
