Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
