Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
