Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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