just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize