She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
