Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
