Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
