"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She told me I should be a condom model.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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