so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
