I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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