hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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