Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
