hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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