I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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