yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
