He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
