I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
