went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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