He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
