So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
