but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
