Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
