Yo dont text me then not text me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
