census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
