There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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