Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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