why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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