My hand turned me down
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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