the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize