I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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