Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
