I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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