We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
