Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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