My underwear smells like fireworks.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
