Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize