theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
