I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
