Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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