You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize