i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize