Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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