alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
