If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
