I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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