hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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