just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
third nipple confirmed
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize