I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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