normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
