fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
