So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize