My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
