I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
