i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
