How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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