sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
