when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
